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Sunday, April 27, 2008

Home Alone and Not Hating It

Good Morning everyone. It's about quarter til eight in the morning and I am sitting in my house alone. Yesterday I spent the whole day in the house just watching movies and working on home stuff. I felt safe, secure, happy, and relaxed in my awesome apartment. Anthony got home on time last night and we (when I say we, I mean he) hooked up our telephone and our internet which was great of him. We had a lovely dinner together of Lasagna from Costco and sat and watched all 3 of the Austin Powers Movies. Yes, we are completely mature!

I am finding this peace that comes over me when I am here. I feel happier having breakfast in my home even more than I did going to the same McDonald's every single day. That could be because I am not spending hundreds of dollars a month on fast food and I am not feeling sick all of the time from consuming it. I actually like saving money more than I ever have before. I have more goals now than just "saving money." I want to get things for our house, I want to have a nice life together, I want to someday buy an actual house, I want to be a good wife and mother, etc...

I am almost done with Grad School for the year and I couldn't be happier. It has been a rough semester for me. I had this class that really took much more of me emotionally and academically than I may have had to offer. I have not been able to see my therapist hardly at all this semester due to my grueling schedule and that has proved to be a detriment. Everything seems to have been harder than before, with before being before this semester. I have a final and a paper due on Tuesday and then a class on Wednesday and my "actual" semester is over. Now, the catch is I have to go in on the following Tuesday I believe to do the second part of advancement and have a meeting about the first part of advancement. Advancement is a scary thing for me but I have given it over to God and really decided that whatever happens, happens!

Anthony is back at work and in full force. He has been working 6+ hours of overtime every day which has really took a toll on him. The deepest parts of me know that he does it so that we are going to be ok, specifically that I am going to be ok. That man loves me so much and works so hard to be the provider of our house. Maybe tonight I'll write him a card reminding him how much I appreciate him and admire him for who he is. I am a lucky girl to be sure. God has given me such a blessing in this relationship and I could not be more grateful.

Well, I am going now to start working on a paper and final preparation. You might think I am waiting until the last minute but honestly, this is the first chance I have had to really do anything lately. I appreciate you stopping in and keeping up on us. All is well and we'll check in again tomorrow! The house development moves on.


Friday, April 25, 2008

The lovely familiarity.

Last night Anthony and I were talking on the phone as we were both driving home seperately and he said something profound that he probably did not even realize touched me so deeply. He said "I am in a happy and productive relationship so I don't need him to tell me how to treat my woman." Now, he was talking a little bit negatively about someone but in the process, he made me realize how happy and productive we really are. We are a couple who makes decisions together, respects each other, and truly gives 100% to each other on a daily basis. Sometimes that means that we sacrifice fun things in order to help make the other one feel safe and taken care of but overall, we have each other's best interest at heart. I have never had something happy and productive and it sure feels good to have it.

I realized today too that I run to Anthony any time I have a hard time and I can talk to him about anything. Sometimes I think that might be a bad idea as I still long for that mystery to stay between us that keeps us coming back for more but then I think, I truly believe I am living with my best friend and the most amazing boyfriend and future husband that there is. God has been so incredibly good to me in giving me this beautiful familiarity and providing me such a stable, happy, productive, and extremely exciting life with a beautiful man.

Thursday, April 24, 2008

It has begun

It would seem that this little story should begin at June 25, 2006 but for some reason I could not tell the story until now. Lately things have been changing to be sure and it certainly looks more like forever. Anthony and I signed the lease to our own place on April 18, 2008. We are so excited to be sharing this with each other and every single step feels like a thousand. There was the moment that the papers were signed and Anthony did a touchdown dance as the ladies in the leasing office handed us our sets of keys. There was the moment where we picked out our own brand new refridgerator together and gave the Best Buy associate OUR address to send it to. Then there are the sweet moments between the two of us like when Anthony left me a note on the kitchen counter the morning of our first commute to work from our new home. The amazing mac and cheese he made me last night and the fact we stood at our kitchen counter eating with plastic forks in our 80% completed kitchen just knowing that we were HOME. There are moments of pure surrealness when we think about having our own phone number, calling it "our place", or thinking about mail coming in our names. We are both really excited personally and relationally.

This move was a huge step for Anthony himself in his manhood and adulthood as he branched out on his own for the first time. It was a huge move for me as I let go of the safeness of Richard's house and trusted that I would be just as safe in my own place with myself and Anthony taking care of me. There were huge steps taken last week as we signed that lease. Tomorrow it will be one week since we have had our own apartment and it feels like mere moments. We still are living with boxes piled up everywhere and grocery sacks filled with our most precious possessions in the material world. We are still groaning in the morning as we "look forward" to our one hour morning commute that we never had before. We are still looking everywhere for underwear and socks so we can get ready in the morning. We are still relishing in opening our refridgerator and seeing only the food we like to consume. Life is sweet in our new place.

I absolutely adore living with Anthony as I see him grow and change and start to be so responsible. I adore having a place to go home to after work instead of being at work at the same time as being at home. I love knowing that just my possessions and Anthony's are around me instead of everyone elses things and I have to be respectful of their things. I am feeling freedom in a whole new way. The relationship between Anthony and myself has morphed and although it's new and different, it's beautiful and safe. I am so lucky to share space with this man.

Posted by: Erica